My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
