I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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