you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
