season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
