absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
