she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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