You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my being single is dangerous.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
