let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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