woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
