I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
