EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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