My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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