Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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