I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
