I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
