It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
