She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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