1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
