My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
