you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
