in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
