New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I currently don't understand fingers.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
