Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
