Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
