My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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