Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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