I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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