I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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