Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
