If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
