your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
