I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
