He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She needs sedatives and a leash
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
