i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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