Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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