I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize