we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am midnight drunk by noon
vagina is talking i cant
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
