They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
