It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
