So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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