my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
