He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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