my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
