if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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