So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I am morally bankrupt
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
