I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
