If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
