??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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