I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
