i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
