He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
