I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
